• “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher” - Socrates

• "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.” - Patrick Murray

• I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette

• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.- Sacha Guitry

• After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.-  Hemant Joshi

• Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas

• The great question... which I have not been able to answer...is, "What does a woman want? - Sigmund Freud

• I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Anonymous

• "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes

Tuesdays, I go Fridays."-  Henny Youngman

• "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison

• "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran

• Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it (2). Whenever you're right, shut up. - Nash

• The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... - Anonymous

• You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Henny Youngman

• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

• Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Anonymous

• A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." - Anonymous

• First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."